In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
