It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
