you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
