i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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