we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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