I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize