he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize