..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
