South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
