Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am one with the molecules
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
