...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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