Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
