I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
