Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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