Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize