i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
