For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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