Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
