I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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