K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize