i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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