420 ftw
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
