There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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