You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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