you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
