I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
