Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
