I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
