I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
