You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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