you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
