Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
