the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
