My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize