I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
