I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im holly from the hills drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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