I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just pee around me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
