with your own penis?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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