Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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