sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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