yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You made out with two different species that night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize