No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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