I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
