Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the day after is always just damage control
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
