Your dad touched me again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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