Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
this hospital has no fireball
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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