That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
