At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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