Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
