you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
