nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
