Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
