All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
