doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
