my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
