She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
