I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
