Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
