Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
