i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
