Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
