We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
