saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize