I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
