we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
