I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
