I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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