When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The ass gains better be worth it
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