He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
