I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize