We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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