Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
