He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
