I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
