remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
