i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
