I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
