It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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