i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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