So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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