i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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