Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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