I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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