I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
