i permit you to call me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
