I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
