so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
