If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
