your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
