16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
