she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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