why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
