Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
