he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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