The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
