my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They took my balls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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