I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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